When I was 23 years old, my fiancée broke up with me for good. I sat at my desk and struggled to finish my graduate school work while the diamond engagement ring sat in a drawer right next to my desk. My anxiety level had gone through the roof. I had a challenging time focusing on my work because I kept having a tape play in my head: “She’s broken up with you. She doesn’t love you anymore. You suck. It’s all over for you.”
The thoughts kept circling in my head and I could not find a way to stop ruminating on the problem. No matter how hard I tried, my brain kept bringing me back to the breakup and I felt horrible about how things had fallen all apart.
What I have learned from that time is that there is a way to help break the cycle of anxiety and stress. It’s not easy to do, but I want to share with you what has worked for me over the years in dealing with ruminative thoughts. I do hope that these techniques will be useful to you.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Close your eyes, and take a deep breath while slowly clenching your left fist. Keep your left fist clenched tight for a few seconds and then as you exhale (slowly), release your fist. Take four seconds or so breathing in, hold two or three seconds, then exhale slowly out of your mouth while unclenching your fist. When finished, do it again.
Repeat the process with your right fist, left foot and then right foot (by bending in your toes as you inhale), clench your teeth, squeeze tight your eyes, shrug and hold your shoulders, do the same for your pelvic floor muscle (Kegel), and then lastly tighten all your muscles at once, breathing in slowly through your nose, hold a second or two, and then exhale from your mouth slowly.
I found the above exercise to be not only a fantastic stress reliever but also a way to recharge my batteries. It’s an excellent way for me to soothe me and relax.
Light Visualization Exercise
If I have a few more minutes, I perform the following visualization technique. I lie on my back, relax, and slowly breathe in through my nose. While breathing in, I imagine a warm light entering me, permeating its way through my cells, in my blood, and through my nerves, muscles, and bones. The light cleanses as it passes through me. After a few seconds, I then exhale all the darkness, hate, and stress within me. I imagine impurities streaming out of my mouth as I exhale.
I then imagine the light traveling down through my body per breath. I breathe in a few seconds, and the light goes all through my head, out my mouth, ears, and eyes, then down my throat, and through my shoulders, and I hold it there. On exhaling, all the fear and darkness within me is slowly expunged from my body. When I take my next breath, the light continues past my shoulders, around and through my heart, and into my lungs, filling me with goodness and light. I continue doing this until the light has completed its journey all through my body and down through my toes.
Dealing with Incessant Anxiety
Before I knew about the two techniques above, I struggled with anxiety and had no idea what to do. What helped me back when I was in my 20s was a repetitive phrase that helped me deal with my ruminative thoughts. I’d do the following: I’d allow myself to think all the horrible things that ran through my brain but would cut things off after about 2 minutes. I’d then repeat over and over again a phrase that would be positive and help me break the cycle of ruminative thoughts.
Phrases that have worked for me:
Let go, let God.
I know I can, I know I can, I know I can.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
When I first had to deal with the ruminative thoughts after the breakup back when I was in graduate school, the cycle would go like this: I’d deal with the pain and ruminative thoughts as best I could, go to sleep, wake up and be okay for a few minutes, but then a smell, a memory or some other reminder of the breakup would put me right back into feeling bad again.
I’d then use the phrases as a mantra to break the cycle. When the anxiety would get too bad, I even tried carrying a serenity prayer coin in my pocket. The prayer (“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference”) was engraved on one side and “Let go, let God” was on the other. I’d rub my thumb over the words as I said the phrases over and over again.
If you don’t believe in God, change the phrases (“Let go, let be” and “Serenity to accept the things…”)
I’ve used these techniques for decades, and when I incorporate them all together, I have a much more robust set of skills to help me deal with ruminative thoughts, stress and anxiety.
I hope these techniques are helpful to you. And one last bit of wisdom: If you’re ashamed of having to deal with anxiety and ruminating thoughts, I hope my story helps you see that you’re not alone.
Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.