Let Go and Be Free Podcast: Episode 14 (The Power of Gratitude)
Welcome to episode 14.
Gratitude is a tool that we can use to help us break out of ruminating thoughts or thinking the worst is going to happen in every situation. In this episode, I share the information about gratitude and its power to help us in our daily lives.
I also discuss Angus Fletcher’s book Wonderworks and how I stumbled open the new research by scientists on want gratitude does to our brains and how it helps us.
Research:
Effects of gratitude meditation on neural network functional connectivity and brain-heart coupling. Read the article.
Supplemental material for a gratitude exercise as used in the research study. Read the exercise.
Take time to recharge, heal yourself, and find peace. Hope is always available to us if we're willing to be patient.
Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
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Transcript
Welcome to the let go and be free podcast, A podcast for those who grew up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family. I'm your host Ron Vitale, author of the Let Go and be Free series for adult children of alcoholics. On this podcast we'll talk about everything from dealing with ruminating thoughts, just stopping dysfunctional behaviors that you learned as a child. Together, we'll shine a light to dispel any shame you might feel about your upbringing, and learn practical tips that will help you live a healthier life. If you'd like to learn more, feel free to visit let go and be free.com.
And welcome to this week's show, the Power of Gratitude. I wanted to focus a little bit more positive aspect, just of life with everything that's been going on in the world, it seems that every time I turn on the news, there's worse and worse. Things happening. Mass shootings are happening almost every you know, like 10 days in the United States and it's it's just been tragedy after tragedy. The war in Ukraine, still pandemic with Coronavirus affecting different parts of the world in different parts of the United States just seems you know that there's a compounding of stress, weary angst and mental instability of people trying to figure out how to deal with all these challenges going on.
So in this week's episode, I wanted to focus on something that I recently discovered in some reading. And just to kind of set the stage a little bit of shared with this before, you know, on my journey with adult children of alcoholic beliefs, I follow the 12 steps, I've gone to adult children of alcoholic meetings, I've gone to therapy. And I've also done lots of reading, listen to lots of podcasts on you know, self help, and terminology I've read many, if not all the books Brene Brown, I've read good many books on you know, other self help books. But I also read outside of, you know, my normal love of fiction and you know, nonfiction try to pick up something a little different. And the book that I'm about to recommend, I kind of came across I think it was during the first year of the pandemic, I was listening to a podcast by Brene Brown, and she had the author on and the name of the book is Wonder works. And the author is Angus Fletcher. Now, the book itself really speaks to me as you know, as a fiction writer.
Fletcher goes through and talks about all the different various literature styles over the course of human history of you know, how authors have done things such as discovered, like stream of consciousness writing, and, you know, fairy tales, and, you know, conversion of, you know, thought all kinds of things like just really esoteric thoughts for literature and the power of words, and how that's kind of evolved, you know, over 1000s of years, from the earliest days of Aristotle all the way up to our modern literature. And, you know, you might think, Well, what does this book have to do with anything about adult children of alcoholics and being raised in a dysfunctional family? And I'll, I'll say this, one of the things that I have learned on my journey is that by having an open mind, and being willing to try different experiences, listen to different people experience art, participate in creation of art.
I found that sometimes I find a useful tool or an answer to something that I'm looking for when I least expect it. If I only focus on my known things in front of me, you know, the 12 steps or, you know, what I learned as a kid, you know, from Catholicism, like if I only focused on certain things, I wouldn't have discovered other wonderful, amazing, you know, tools and answers that I've needed in my life. So it's a big thing. In my own recovery, you know, from the trauma that I experienced as a kid to say, I like to learn I am a life learner. It is just something that I hope that I will continue to practice until the day I die. It doesn't matter to me, you know, technology or thought or art, music, it doesn't really matter what it is, I want to continually to grow, to be open and to learn. So, you know, I bought this book, you know, wonder works, and I thought, oh, keep it on my shelf, I've got a ton of other books.
And over the years, I've gone back and forth between, you know, reading some books and Kindle. And then for whatever reason, I honestly, I think it has a lot to do with, you know, when the pandemic started, I switched back to buying physical books, and especially if it's a nonfiction book, I like to either mark things up in the book with a pen, or fold the pages. And I do like the physical tactile feel of a book. And I know, it might sound weird, but the smell of a buck. So, you know, if you were to visit me in my house, I've got books, you know, on my night table by my bed, I've got books, you know, on a little table, off to the side in the bedroom, just piled with books. And so I have the greatest intention of reading all these books. But sometimes it takes me a little longer, you know, than I've anticipated only because between working and, you know, writing and raising a family and every other thing.
I unfortunately do not put reading books as high as I did when I was younger, frankly, because, you know, there's so many other distractions that I struggle against so many different movies or TV shows. And so there's a lot of art that I take in through that way. Again, great films, great things, but there's only so many hours of the day. And I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you don't read, you know, often, I would highly recommend thinking and considering picking up some books, because you never know the beauty that's in there. And I think in going through, you know, this book, one of the things that I've learned is that I am constantly amazed by how little I really know, or, you know, stumbling upon an answer to something that makes the most sense, and is hiding in plain sight. But I've never really thought about it.
So in this wonder works book, Fletcher has a chapter I think it's chapter 14, I got the book here on my hands. So your chapter 15. And the name of the chapter has bounced back from failure. And it's George Eliot's Middlemarch, and the invention of the gratitude multiplier. So you're like, Okay, well, that sounds great. What does that again have to do with, you know, some of the struggles that I'm dealing with of having grown up in alcoholic or dysfunctional family. And there is a part in here, where, again, out of the blue wasn't expecting this, Fletcher mentions a scripture piece from the Bible, and it basically says, this following part I'm going to read precedes 1 Thessalonians, and it says, Oh, give thanks unto the Lord. To him that by wisdom made the heavens, to him, that stretched out the earth above the waters. And so this chapter focuses not only on that piece of scripture, but also George Eliot's Middlemarch and other books like it that focus on the power of gratitude.
And what I find fascinating is that, you know, the author says, you know, in looking at that passage, it, it appears that the apostle Paul wrote, that was maybe 50 years, the year 50.
And basically, it was during a time when the Christians were going through early Christians were going through a really difficult time, you know, and that's, you know, it's 50 years after Jesus had died, and is he ever coming back and Christians are being persecuted and, you know, did we put our faith in, you know, in Jesus, and he's not coming back? And what are we going to do? So all that's going on, and the scripture passage, and I'll read it again.
Because again, I think it's it's very powerful. It says, Oh, give thanks unto the Lord. To him that by wisdom made the heavens, the him that stretched out the earth above the waters. And so the the, I guess the hypothesis from this author, Fletcher is basically saying, more recent studies have come across and found that if we as people focus on gratitude, even during times of like stress that there are there have been studies within the last decade, that are showing that it's actually better for like our mental health. And, you know, the author, you know, Fletcher basically focuses on that, even when things are down, you know, like the worst of the worst you give thanks during that time.
And I'm just like, well, that doesn't make any sense. Like, if you're upset, and you're going through a rough time, why are you focusing on gratitude, you know, when and when you be focusing on, you're stressed out, and you're worrying and you're trying to find solutions to the problems that are in front of you. I know that that's what I tend to do. And I also know that I tend to ruminate, but those thoughts or jump into catastrophizing, thinking, you know, I have a problem, and then it goes from I have a problem to like, it is the worst catastrophe on the planet, and everything is gonna go badly.
So if that is a common trait that you have, or if you worry, my natural state is I'm wearing I'm trying to focus on like, what's going to happen next, when is the other shoe gonna drop? How do I prevent that from happening. And I've explained in this podcast before, why that mindset was very helpful for me when I was a kid, because I needed to prepare for all the things that were happening in the family, and a lot of it was bad. And I needed to find a way to kind of prepare myself for that into just survive, like through some of the stress of those times. Whereas now as an adult, if I were to only focus on those things, it really isn't helping me, it's actually holding me back.
Because I'm limiting myself and keeping myself suppressed. In a negative state. The worry is not good for my mental well being, it's not good for my heart rate, it's not good for my, you know, ability to make judgments and decisions, basically being trapped and locked in a frozen state. And unfortunately, that frozen state tends to be cyclical, and it feeds, you know, upon itself. One worried thought, leads to the next worry, thought leads to the next etc, etc. And so, you know, what I have found is that, when I'm dealing with problems and stress, I need to be mindful that there are traps, again, those grooves within, you know, my neural pathways, that these are the solutions for better or for worse, that have ill equipped me to solve some of these problems and keep me trapped, keep me in a negative state, which does not help in the long run.
So what this author is saying, you know, what Fletcher is saying in the book, Wonderworks is focus on gratitude. And that there have been studies to show that, you know, from, from a mental state, if you focus on gratitude, that it will help you, and you will feel better, and we better for your, your mental, you know, and your well being, that's a pretty powerful statement that, you know, something such as giving gratitude for whatever you have in your life, you know, focusing on that in times of stress in your dark times, instead of only worrying about, you know, the problem, what's going to happen tomorrow, you're lying in bed, there's whatever a deadline, your your bosses, not happy with you, you know, you're having arguments with your spouse, or your children, etc, etc.
I would think that all of us have had that stress of finding it difficult to sleep, or worried about a potential, you know, tomorrow, what may happen or what you know, will happen in the sense that it's a pretty done deal. And you've got a difficult situation to live through. Focusing on gratitude seems like the last thing that you might want to do at those particular times, but that power of gratitude, even in the darkness is something that can help heal you, you know, and he goes on into the book and focuses, you know, on such things that, you know, I find, trying to find out, you know, what, what the solution is, and I think I think the challenge is that there's not, there's not much that we can focus on, you know, with the negativity, if we only focus on the negativity, if we only focus on the stress, then there isn't much that we're going to be able to do to get beyond that, because we're trapped.
If we focus, you know, if we focus on gratitude, it gives us a different path. And that's might seem so unusual in the circumstance and might seem like it, the last thing we would want to do. So what I did was I also focused on doing a little research, and there is a study that I found, and let me pull this up. It's on the National Library of Medicine, the National Center for Biotechnology Information, there is an article effects of gratitude meditation on neural network functional connectivity, and brain heart coupling. So this is a study from 2017. And essentially, I'll read the the last line here, taken together, our findings shed light on the effect of gratitude meditation on an individual's mental well being, and indicate that it may be a means of improving both emotion regulation, and self motivation, by modulating resting state functional connectivity in emotion, and motion related brain regions. Now, one thing I will will want to share is that typically, having worked in the cancer research field for 15 years, I know that every time there's one article that might say something positive, there could be a different article, which is something negative.
And it's one of those things thatyou know, more study, you know, researchers will say more study needs to be done. And that's simply to say, one study doesn't necessarily mean hands down, this is exactly the solution, I am only positing a potential solution, a potential, you know, option of moving forward. If you're not focusing on gratitude on a regular basis in your life, here's an option that can focus on that. And what I found interesting in this article is that there is a supplemental piece. And it you know, for this article on it says effects of gratitude meditation on neural network functional connectivity, and brain heart coupling, this is supplementary material is one intervention scripts. And so they actually have provided the scripts that were used with the studies during this, this research. So for example, it says, you know, we will begin the breathing exercise, first relieve all the tension in your body. So it literally gives you a script that they used in the study. So in theory, this is free on the internet, because it is published on the nih.gov website, I will put the link, you know, in the show notes for this for this podcast. And there are two, two different scripts.
And so you know, you can, you can basically follow these scripts, and just read them out yourself over the course of each day. And then I would recommend building this gratitude into your daily routine. And especially if you encounter a difficult situation, if your natural reaction is something bad just happened, and you're stressed out, then you might want to focus on you know what, step two, you know, in the sense of you could focus just on the worry. But if you do that, then you need to turn around and focus on what's next you know, if you trap yourself in worrying, ruminating catastrophizing, how can you end and overcome that situation?
So, this is something that I wanted to focus on that I thought would be helpful, you know, to you on a regular basis, you know, something that it will give you a free and easy skill to use on a regular basis that it's almost is similar to like a muscle when you're exercising, that I have found, you know, on my journey that yes, I have to muscle exercise my muscles, I need to you know, move I need to walk I run I you know, do my stretches, I do the things that I need to do because it helps keep my body you know, up to date strong, you know, and helps me also, like with the running helps me focus on willpower of being able to.
It's kind of zeroing in on the moment, and to be happy about each particular second of the moment that I'm living. And what I find helpful in that is, when I have run, you know, 26.3 miles or a marathon, I can tell you, when you get to the end of that marathon, and I've started to fall apart and my muscles are hurting, sometimes just, you know, focusing on that gratitude of like, I can do one step at a time, one step in front of the other another step, another a step is a powerful way of overcoming that, you know, negativity and stress of, I'm suffering right now, my, my body is hurting. With your mind, I have found that also to be extremely helpful to exercise the mind. And for me, that's focusing on mindfulness, you know, in meditation, and things such as, you know, breathing techniques to focus on gratitude, you know, as you take in a deep breath, you can hold a thought in your mind of what are you happy about today?
And if you have nothing, then think of think of something, what have you been happy? About? What are you grateful for? What were you grateful for, and that power of taking your thought outside yourself, and focusing on the other on another moment, another time, another glimpse of happiness, allows your brain to separate itself by being trapped in the Nate negativity. So think about this, if you were in a room, and you were stuck, and I've actually read a can't remember the source. I apologize for that, that about that.
But those who are life, you know, are imprisoned for life, that those who survive and do well basically focus on outside themselves, you know, remembering and imagining events, you know, where they were happy and focusing on not being in the cell where they're at. So if we think about that, from our brain, of we're trapped right now we're thinking of the negativity of the weary of, oh, we have financial problems, we have marital problems, we have, you know, problems with our children, their sickness, there's disease, there's death, there's though we can go on and on and on. Part of the human experience is we encounter problems.
The difficult thing is, how do we rise up or overcome them, or deal with them the best we can, you know, in this article wonder works in this book, Fletcher says that, even cancer survivors have been able to use the power of gratitude, to help them with their diagnosis of cancer. Because if they only focused on the negativity all the time, like I'm, you know, going to die of cancer, then they're going to lose the precious, you know, last whatever years, months of their lives, because they're, they're just obsessed with the negativity, by using gratitude and exercising that muscle, our brain, the power of our brain, it gives us a solution, it gives us a way out, it gives us a tool to be able to reprogram the neurons and the pathways. So that way, we're not caught in that loop.
And I think that was the, I guess, like the, the brain, you know, like, wow, aha moment, in reading this book. And this passes, there's been a couple of others, too, which are not necessarily related to this, it's more to writing my fiction that I was like, wow, that's a really great idea. But with this power of gratitude, I think the aha moment for me was these words, the skill of building this gratitude is a way of reprogramming our brain, that if you think of programs as zeros and ones, the words and thoughts that we use are like this old school, you know, program is this old school technology, that for 1000s of years, we as humans have told stories, and by these stories, we've overcome whatever we're going through at the time.
And I think that's a pretty cool thing, when you think about it, is that, you know, we as a species, associated words, and emotions and thoughts and put that all together and found that if we use certain words to mean certain things that could help reprogram our brain from worrying or stress or always, you know, being down and out to a path of, you know, fount of foundational well being, that that's, that's pretty amazing that, you know, as a species, we discovered that and I think into today's day and age, we have forgotten that.
And especially we're dealing with other challenges. You know, if you've ever done the Doom scrolling, if you have a, you know, your phone, and you go on social media, and you just keep scrolling and scrolling and scrolling, because you're like, Oh, look at all the horrible things happening in the world. And you can get stuck in that I know, that was pretty popular at the beginning of the pandemic, I was guilty of that myself, all the news of like, you turn on the TV, and how many people were dying, and we didn't have a vaccine, and all it was, it was really bad. But at some point, we needed to reprogram ourselves, and to do that the challenge was to switch and what words, what thoughts would create the neurons and build the pathways in our brain that would allow us to, to basically turn take a, you know, a detour around the darkness, to focus more on something that would be helpful, and increase our well being and increase our satisfaction with our lives.
So very simple concept of gratitude can help you with your well being. The challenge is, at least I can say this for myself is that when I go and going through a difficult time, when I am struggling, I'm not able to sometimes focus on that skill of like, hey, if I use this gratitude right now, you know, and am grateful for something, it's going to help me get out of my brain, and it's going to help me feel better, that's really difficult to do.
So, I would advise, you know, maybe leave some kind of token around, you know, wear a bracelet that says gratitude on it, or have a coin or a piece of paper, typed, you know, typed, taped on your monitor that says, you know, be thankful today or something or add a habit every morning, you know, go through or every night before bed, focus on what you're grateful for. So that tip goes all the way back for 1000s of years when people first started praying, and being thankful to God.
Whereas in today, even if you don't believe in God, the power of being grateful, and the practice of gratitude can help you. If you think of, I'm thankful for my family, or I'm thankful for, you know, what I have in my life and thankful for, you know, my spouse or whatever you're you're thankful for, and you're grateful for that simple realization of stepping outside yourself and focusing on others or other situations will help you to overcome what you're going through with the darkness if you're going through a difficult time, or you're stuck with ruminating thoughts, or catastrophizing. So I did want to share that because it's a powerful lesson that I learned myself, and is that it's not that, oh, this is new in the sense, like, I've never was grateful for things before it was, it was, I guess, putting the two to two together, of when you do this, this is what's happening within your brain. And there are studies showing that yes, this might actually be true. So it's a positive thing. It's free.
And you can try it out for yourself to see if it helps. So I do hope that this episode has been helpful for you. I asked that, you know, if you do find it interesting, and you're not part of the newsletter, please join, let go and be free.com. There's also the four volumes of the let go and be free series that I have out there. You can Google them on Barnes and Noble, Amazon etc. You know, I've written those books to focus as a daily reflection, and with all four books, that's 400 different, you know, reflections that can be used over the course of the year. So in one volume, that's 100 100 days if you were to do one a day. So I hope that again, this has been helpful for you. I know it the focus and gratitude has been helpful for me. Thank you so much for taking the time to listen, I know we're all busy these days. I know it's not easy to make time. I appreciate you. I appreciate the time that you take to listen to this. Thank you so much. And as always, be well.