Let Go and Be Free Podcast: Episode 108 (It’s Okay to Argue [Healthfully])

Apologies for the poor sound quality as I had issues with my mic.

In growing up, we may have learned that arguing was bad, or worse, we may have seen unhealthy ways of resolving conflict.

Here are several fair fighting rules that you and your partner (or friend, family, etc.) can use:

Rules for Fair Fighting

  • Use "I" statements. When you say "I feel upset beccause I'm afraid" that is being direct and vulnerable. Avoiding "you" statements is essential in effective communication.

  • The purpose of an argument is to solve the issue at hand and not the 10 other examples you happen to have ready of what the person has done to you in the past. Focus on the present and only the matter at hand.

  • No cursing or name calling.

  • Listen. Really listen to the person and take turns talking. When the person has expressed their point, validate back to them what you heard them say. And then go on to share your feelings.

  • Avoid throwing up blockers: "I don't have time to talk now" (and never agreeing there is a good time). Or changing the subject to avoid the issue at hand.

  • No yelling at each other. When you're screaming at someone or they're screaming at you, finding a calm resolution becomes that much more difficult. Treat the other person with respect and ask that they do the same to you.

  • Take a break. Arguments aren't supposed to last for hours. If you've had enough, ask for a short break, and then come back later to resolve the conflict.

  • Come to a solution. Find a compromise that you both agree on or some understanding. If not, the argument will only come back to haunt you both at a future date.

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I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

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