RonVitale

How Writing Changed My Life

Seventeen years ago I had an important decision to make. I didn't know at the time that the decision would change my life forever in such a drastic way that the ripples still could be felt all these years later. But that's how life is. A few days before February 10, 1995 I remember calling my friends up and asking for help, but the declines kept coming in. I called or emailed all my friends asking if they would come support me at a poetry reading at a Borders bookstore near Villanova University. I tried asking people in the graduate program I was attending, close friends and old friends, but everyone had plans that night.

I had come to a fork in the road and needed to make a decision: Would I risk going by myself to read some of my poetry to a good several dozen strangers or would I stay home and play it safe? My initial thought was to seed the audience with a few of my friends so that if people hated my work then at least I'd have some people clapping at the end. Standing up in front of a group of strangers and reading a piece of your writing can be intimidating.

At that time in my life, I was finishing my Masters in English Literature, was working full-time and wanted to be a writer. So the day of the reading came and I remember being at home and, honestly, being a bit frustrated with my friends. How many events had I gone to over the years supporting people or being there for them? More than I could count. Why was no one there for me when I needed help? And then, I heard a tiny voice inside me, and I listened. The path that I wanted to walk on in life would often be challenging and I knew that if I wanted to be a writer that I needed to overcome my fear and couldn't sling blame at my friends. They simply couldn't (or didn't want to) come with me that night. And that was that.

I shook off the negative attitude and drove up to the reading. Yes, I had butterflies in my stomach. Yes, I feared failure. And, yes, I understood that one reading wouldn't change my life forever, but I was wrong about that. It's funny how life can be--if you're open to it. I arrived at the reading and remember a good many people being there. I remember seeing my friend John who worked part-time at Borders. I remember going up to the podium, but I don't recall what I read or the reaction from the audience. I simply remember that it was a positive experience and pretty average in the grand scheme of things.

But I have not forgotten what happened afterward. I went up to my friend John and started talking to him about one of our graduate classes as I helped him fold up the chairs. We were chatting away when I suddenly saw this tall woman with short blonde hair in her early 20s, wearing a long dark green coat come up to John and say hello. He introduced me to her and said, "This is Karen." And that's how I met my wife. God willing, we'll be married for 12 years this summer and now have two wonderful children together--all because I chose to go to a poetry reading on my own.

What I like so much about serendipity is that I fought really hard against going to the poetry reading alone. I wanted one of my female friends to come with me. If one of them had gone, the dynamic would have been different. I wouldn't have been alone and the implication would be that I was dating one of them. I really laugh at this because I remember how frustrated and upset I was that no one would go with me that night. But if they had?

Funny how life is sometimes. Writing changed my life because it's influenced how I make decisions. I try really hard to work against fear (of rejection, failure, abandonment, etc.) and to coin a phrase: Push outside of my comfort zone. If I didn't write and choose to go to the poetry reading that night, I wouldn't have met my wife and have the life I now have. Where would I be? It's not worth the time wondering about because I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Joseph Campbell once said, "Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls." And you know what? He was damn right.

Ron Vitale is the author of the novel "Cinderella's Secret Diary" and believes that, if you're open to them, fairy tales do come true.

Cinderella's Secret Diary: Why I Wrote the Book

First a quick blurb about Cinderella's Secret Diary:

What happened to Cinderella after she married the Prince? Set in the late 1700s as Napoleon is rising to power, Cinderella embarks on a journey of self-discovery as she tries to come to terms with her failed marriage and her inability to have a child. Torn between the Queen's insistence that she try all means necessary to conceive and her own desires, she agrees to travel to Paris to consult with a witch to help her become pregnant. Her journey leads her to find her long lost Fairy Godmother and aids her to solve the mystery behind her mother's death. Yet the Fey Lord, the Silver Fox, also takes notice in her and her world is suddenly turned upside down...

Back on January 12, 2010, I was reading Disney’s Royal Princess Homes book to my then 2-year-old daughter.  She sat next to me on the rocking chair and I turned through a page in the book and read how Cinderella was in her bedroom showing off her scarves and shoes. Yet tucked away in the corner was a desk that had a book on it entitled “Cinderella’s Secret Diary.”

A light went off in my head. I do not know how else to describe it. A thought, like lightning, zapped me and I started wondering what would be in that book. I knew at that instant that I had stumbled upon an amazing idea. I kissed my daughter goodnight, tucked her in and then did a search on Google. I stumbled upon an out-of-print Disney book entitled Disney Princess: My Secret Diary by Cinderella but I could find nothing else online. From what I could tell from eBay and reviews, the Disney diary book is about mice costumes and other such things from the Disney movie. Ideas kept flowing through my mind and I jotted down some notes for a short story idea I had. I kept wondering what Cinderella’s secret diary would really be like. Why was it secret? Is she happily married? Does she have children? I could not stop the flood of ideas.

I have read about writers who talk about being a conduit for their work and now I understand: As I wrote this book, I could see the scenes playing out in my head. On my long runs while training for a half-marathon, I’d envision what the characters were doing and when I sat down to write the words just flowed out of me. Often, I’d sit on the back sofa with the laptop and try desperately to type the scenes out as I could see what was happening—like a movie was playing in my head.

As weird as this might sound, I often felt that I channeled the words of Cinderella or the Silver Fox—that I was their personal medium. I told my wife this and she said, “But you wrote the story. You created the characters.” I agreed, but when I wanted Cinderella to go down one path, she’d often go down another. I couldn’t make her do what I wanted her to do. While writing, her personality crystalized for me and I clearly began to know who she was, what she yearned for and why. I listened to her and wrote her story. I know that I’ll be asked many questions about the Silver Fox and I will simply say this: In the first draft, I didn’t discover his character until more than 2/3 of the way through the book. Once I created him, I realized that I had to re-write the book as he was central to it. My first readers really loved him and wanted more and I couldn’t disagree. He makes the book worth reading.

While writing Cinderella’s Secret Diary, I knew that I wanted the central theme to be about female empowerment.  My closest friends know that I am not a fan of Disney and the whole Princess thing. I wanted to write a story about a young woman who was a Princess but then had to overcome many challenges to find out who she truly is. With that said I’ve dedicated the book to my daughter.
I have thoroughly enjoyed writing the book and am already planning on writing the next. I hope you choose to read it and, if you like it, share it with friends and family. I believe it’s a story that needed to be told.

Cinderella's Secret Diary (Book 1: Lost)

• Purchase the Amazon Kindle version* for $3.99.
• Purchase the print version for $8.99 on Amazon.

*Remember, the Kindle app is available for free for the iPhone, iPad and Android devices so you need not own a Kindle to read the book.

Starting 2012 Off with a Bang

My wife and I ran the Ocean City 5K "First Day" race yesterday. What was so amazing about the race is that there were near 600 people signed up to run on the boardwalk in January and afterward many of them then plunged into the icy ocean. Luckily, the weather was insanely warm being in the 50s. I was down the shore with my family and friends to celebrate the new year and now am back home and have some time to decompress.

For the last 11 days, I've been busy on the home front with the holidays yet I did make some time to sit down and do one of my favorite things: Watch movies. In the past two weeks, I've seen: The Tree of Life, Midnight in Paris, Hugo, Moneyball, The Help, Chipwrecked (I love my kids THAT much) and The Names of Love. I also squeezed in seeing the new Doctor Who Christmas special and a few great episodes of Absolutely Fabulous (one of my favorite all-time TV shows). And when I wasn't watching movies at night, I was reading and reading some more. I started reading END: An Apocalyptic Anthology. One of my stories is published in there but I haven't had time to read the other authors' works. When I didn't feel like reading about the end of the world, I jumped back to reading George R. R. Martin's Storm of Swords.

I didn't get time to play many games (no Magic: The Gathering playing, unfortunately), but I was happy that I had some time to see so many movies. I'm an extremely visual person and just love immersing myself into the imaginations of other people. Out of all the movies and TV shows I saw this week, I'd highly recommend seeing The Help and The Names of Love. I've written a lot about The Tree of Life and how much I loved it, but The Help and The Names of Love are both great flicks that are easily accessible.

I love it when I watch a film and learn something about life while also being entertained. I have to thank my wife for suggesting to watch The Names of Love. I had never heard of it and I try to keep up on French films. Just wasn't on my radar. Same goes for George R. R. Martin's books--they sold millions of copies and I call myself a lover of fantasy writing and I hadn't even heard of them. The challenge in being a writer, working full-time and raising a family is that it's hard to make time to watch films or read. Since there are only 24 hours in a day, my actual reading/watching TV time is pretty minimal. When I'm free, I'm usually writing, talking to other writers on social media or learning all I can about writing and promoting. But it's essential for a writer to make time to read just as it is essential to sit one's butt in the chair and write.

But these past two weeks have been about family and the holidays and fun. Sure, life has been hectic. Yet it's great to make time to watch such great films and read. Now with 2012 upon us, I've started writing my next novel (the sequel to Cinderella's Secret Diary). I have been humbled by the great reviews the book has gotten and the awesome support from readers. Now I need to "sit my butt in chair" and start writing again. The challenge with that is making the time to write. When I write, time needs to be taken away from something else. Most likely it'll be sleep and watching TV that will take the big hits. Yet it also won't be impossible. It'll just take time, patience and discipline.

I wanted to share the picture above from yesterday's run/plunge because it's a great tradition in Ocean City (though I've yet to partake in the plunge part): On the first day of the year, hundreds of people get into their bathing suits to plunge into the ocean on January 1st. Yesterday I saw old and young lined up on the beach. People in costumes and even a few bikinis. At around 2 p.m., a countdown takes place and they all run into the freezing water. Yesterday was a warm day so everyone got lucky, but the symbolism is still there. It's goofy to strip down into your bathing suit in the winter and run into the freezing water. But it's also allows people to show that they'll do something crazy, fun and just plain wacky to prove to themselves that it's okay to be different or to be goofy for a few hours.

For me, I started off 2012 right. I ran the fastest 5K of my life (26:03), have begun writing my next novel and spent time with family and friends. But to get to where I am now in running and writing has taken me years of hard work. I've been running seriously now for more than two years and writing for decades. I've earned degrees, tried new things, failed, succeeded, watched hundreds of movies and read thousands of books--all of this is a continuing process that will (hopefully!) continue as long as I live.

So for me, I'm starting 2012 off with a bang and am headed on the path that I see is best for me. I wish you all a happy New Year and hope you have a blast too!

Writing Tips for Better Work/Life Balance

Last month I flew to San Francisco to work at a conference for 4 days, came back home for only 12 hours and then headed to Washington, D.C. for another two days on the road. With my hectic work schedule that I have had recently, the topic of work/life balance is on my mind. I have read many articles written by women on this important topic, but I have not seen many articles by men.
 
Like many writers I have a full-time job, have kids and pen novels in my spare time. My schedule, like many, is hectic as I try my best to balance work, family, writing and exercise. With all the hard work and the crazy balancing act, I recently reflected on why I write and why I continue to do so.
 
Around 19 months ago I decided that I wanted to write another novel and decided to carve out time to do so. Today I can proudly say that I have completed “Cinderella’s Secret Diary,” and I also learned a lot on how best to balance life, work and writing work. I've done some thinking and I'd like to share what I learned.
 
Make a Commitment
I set a realistic goal and made time to do so. I wanted to write a young adult novel and knew that I would not have large chunks of time to work on it. I cut back on watching TV and set times to write. Since there are only 24 hours in the day and I worked out of the home 11 hours of that time, I needed to schedule time to write. I also needed to be realistic and not focus on guilt or worry. I simply needed to write. When I woke up early, on days I didn't exercise, I would sit in front of my laptop and write. To stay accountable, I would tweet out to the #amwriting community (I didn't know about #myWANA at the time) and was inspired to see so many other writers from around the world up writing as well). I took strength in networking with fellow writers and would finish my writing session with a quick tweet to the #amwriting community. Ten months into writing my first draft (72,000 words) was complete. A little writing every other day adds up.
 
Exercise the Body
What I had neglected to do in the past is to weave exercising into my weekly routine. A little more than 2 years ago I took up running and have since run several half-marathons and am training for my first full. What I learned about running is that it allows me the freedom to think about whatever I want. I simply put on my running clothes and go. I do not listen to music but just run. The freedom to allow my mind to wander where it will is a perfect blank slate for me to solve plot problems, work out how I feel about decisions I need to make in my life and the endorphins are an added bonus that help me deal with stress.
 
Admit That You Cannot Do It All
I learned that it is not possible for me to always juggle seamlessly my various responsibilities. I have had to let some things go because it's not possible to do everything. I have two young children and it is important for me that I be an active parent. I strive to be a parent who is involved and listens. Choosing to be a writer does add complications to my life. Not only do I work full-time but I also need time to write, research, read and network. I want my children to see how important writing is to me, but not at the expense that they never get to see me. Finding a balance takes time. I choose to write before my kids get up in the morning. Others choose to write after their kids go to bed. When I have had a scene burning in my head, I've done both. The most important lesson I have learned is to ask for help. In trying to rewrite my book, my wife helped me by taking the kids out shopping some Saturday mornings and I would have a solid few hours to write. I still feel guilty in asking for time, but there are times when it is important to ask for what one needs. The important thing is to then ask: Am I being too selfish? How can I help support my wife when she needs time for herself?
 
Be Easy on Yourself
Life is busy, hard and full of such beauty and splendor. For each of us, there is a middle ground between not writing and becoming a hermit and only writing. The sweet spot for each of us will be different, but I found it important to search for the sweet spot. Many writers say: "You must write every day." Sometimes that's not possible because there are difficult choices to make: Work might require that you be on the job for 12 plus hours and your kids are home sick. It happens. I tried to avoid feeling guilty because that simply wasted my time and depressed me. I also did not focus on a daily or weekly word count. Rather, I looked at the calendar and set simple goals:
 
Write: Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday mornings
Run: Tues, Thursday, Sunday mornings
 
By not having a word count, I was free to write as much or as little as I needed and simply focused on strengthening my discipline. No matter if I wanted to or not, on a writing day I would sit down and write. Some days the writing was better than others, but that's how life goes: It's not perfect. But I still wrote.
 
Work Toward the Long Tail
Writing takes time. Becoming a successful writer might take years or more. I have learned to be consistent with my writing and to complete tasks by creating a business plan. As my grandmother used to say: "Rome wasn't built in a day." It is not possible for me to write a novel in a day. I cannot complete such a task in a short amount of time, but I could break it down into pieces and, over time, did reach my goal.
 
Moving forward for my next book, I will take what I have learned to help me navigate through the challenges and obstacles. We all have busy lives, but there is a way to manage writing, a job and family without going crazy. It simply takes more time, patience and lots of support. The good thing though is that we are not alone. We can help inspire and support each other.

Ron Vitale is the author of the young adult fantasy novel "Cinderella's Secret Diary" and is currently working on his next novel.