There are times when you have good times and bad times. I find it helpful to take time and reflect on the good times so that you can see life in perspective. When you have a screaming 23 month old glued to your leg and your almost six year old yelling at the top of his lungs for God knows what, it's extremely helpful to have a way of carving out time to re-center one's self.
No matter if you're a new couple without kids, have kids and are trying to survive like my wife and I or are just plain curious about what really goes on behind closed doors in a marriage then I suggest that you listen to the latest episode of The Podd Couple which is about best dates. In the insanity of life (and, yes, it's no secret that life with two kids can be, umm, character building), my wife and I carve out time to reflect back on our favorite dates together.
Last night we saw some friends of ours for the upcoming holiday and our one friend called his wife as he was home sick and mentioned that he had listened to the episode and was passing on to us his favorite dates with his wife. What was interesting is that we learned some interesting facts about this couple that we've been friends with for a good many years. The fact that each couple has good stories and not so good ones helps us all come together and realize that life isn't as simple as it might seem. Neither is any relationship.
Staying together, living together and loving together reminds me of light. Sometimes your relationship acts like particles and other times a wave in which you hang on and ride the roller coaster. But there does need to be moments of peace and calm. Claiming those moments is the challenge when you're juggling career, kids (not literally, though it does feel that way when they throw themselves full force at you), your relationship, and your self. That's the part of the equation which is difficult to remember to feed and nurture as there are only 24 hours of the day and lack of sleep plays a woefully strong influence on the lives of parents with young kids.
With anything in life, there are choices. My wife and I have chosen to step out of our comfort zone and to talk openly about our relationship. The Podd Couple podcast is simply that--an intimate look at our relationship. For better, for worse, in sickness and in health. There's no magic secret. It's pure stubbornness, listening, having empathy, hard work (no, I mean it--really, really hard work sometimes), patience and love.
So sit back, listen and in this episode see the lighter side of a relationship in which my wife and I reflect back on our top dates. See where our memories come together and overlap and diverge, but most importantly for you guys out there, learn some tricks of the trade and pick up tips as it's not always about the bling, but the intention behind the words you say or how you act. A simple act of kindness and love can go a long way.
Over the years, friends and coworkers have asked: "How do you do it all?" Again, there's no secret, but if you really want to know how to stay together in a relationship (and get through those rough times), then download the podcast and listen with your significant other. And to you single people out there, God, how I wish I had something like this podcast to listen to when I was by myself and trying to get my act together before I was in a serious relationship. I can't tell you how much it would have helped to listen to what people actually go through and the type of problems that come up and, most importantly, how those problems are solved. There's gold right there in that!
Being "a few" years older than you two, and with the clarity of hindsight, I can tell you that after listening to podcasts four and five - you two will survive!!!! You have won half the battle simply by both of you being so aware of the value of making time for each other. I do worry about your high expectations of what you will do with this time, though.
I challenge you to find greater joy in the simpler things; to find and be happy with more of the "patio moments" you talk about.
Posted by: Nancy | July 04, 2009 at 12:10 PM