There comes a time in which a blindfold is lifted over your eyes and you begin to see the world again with all its wondrous colors. I don’t question when these moments occur as often life is filled the business of being busy. Work, kids, family, sleep, sunrise, sunset, shake it up and doing it all over again.
Often I forget the sound of what my dreams and goals sounded like and in quiet desperation I look around and try to remember. I came to a decision a few months ago and it took me a while to understand what I really meant when I realized that I wanted to shake my life up a bit. I wanted to be creative and free, knowing that what I dreamed up would be raw and imperfect, but mine. In the last few years, I’ve experimented with podcasting, audiobooks and freelance article writing. I’ve pieced together bits of what I’ve enjoyed (and why), realizing that my experiments weren’t enough. They weren’t personable enough. I wanted to create an intimate look at who I am, not to remember, but to mark out the importance of self-discovery and expression.
I talked to my wife about my thoughts and frustration and we sat on the idea. Again life became busier and we had less time. Our free time became sitting mindless in front of the TV just looking for a means to relax and end the day. Within the last few weeks, my wife and I have embarked on a quest together. We decided to change the routine. It’s rather funny when I think that our great experiment is as simple as sitting down, face to face, and talking to each other. We decided to go with my wife’s idea of creating a podcast for us that we figured we’d share with the world. The Podd Couple podcast is a weekly podcast in which we talk about life and what it takes to be married, working full-time and raising two kids. As of this writing, we have two episodes up live and the show is rather new and still in its infancy, but I am enjoying sitting down and talking. Really talking. You might wonder why we’re doing this and I’ve been telling people that it’s cheaper than marriage counseling. I’m only half joking. Forcing ourselves to sit down and talk is not as easy as it sounds. There’s always work, kids and household responsibilities lurking. We do not have much free time and, when we do, often we’re so exhausted we just wish to crash and sleep.
I recently stumbled across a song from a while back that I haven’t heard in years that’s helped me put all my thoughts in perspective. It’s Sweet Honey in the Rock’s “Wanting Memories.” A friend introduced me to this song many, many years ago and I’m glad she shared it with me. When I hear the song, there are two parts that I get lost in. One part is:
“I think on the things that made me feel so wonderful when I was young
I think on the things that made me laugh
made me dance
made me sing”
Those words remind me of my youth and when I had such freedom, but lacked the maturity to know what to do with my time. Now I have the knowledge but lack the freedom or time. Life has changed in so many ways and keeps changing. I’m told that life will settle down, but with my youngest under two, life is still a bit on the wild side. There are not many quiet, peaceful moments where I can reflect, think and recharge my batteries. But that’s changed.
I’ve decided to go on like Thoreau. To grab life and suck its marrow out—well, not that dramatically but I’m making time to do what I want to do. Making time to listen and talk with my wife and living. I know that sounds rather simplistic, but there’s a difference between living and LIVING. I’m trying to smell the roses rather than simply trim them and mow the lawn while I’m at it.
Last night I went to take the trash out and I look up at the tree in our yard and saw the season’s first fireflies. I just drunk in the moment, feeling the humidity outside, seeing the cloudy sky and hearing the hum of life all around. Life isn’t going to wait for me to wake up and be part of it. I’ve opted to just shift life sideways a bit and to pay a bit more attention. Listen a bit harder and to focus on what I love about life.
If you’re interested in checking out our “great” experiment, click on over to “The Podd Couple” podcast and give it a listen.
Wanting Memories (unfortunately, not by Sweet Honey in the Rock):
Comments