I actually did do some writing the other day, but by the time I had worked on my story, I had already finished writing my blog for the day. I’ve not had a lot of free time. It’s 9:30 p.m. on Monday night as I write this and I’ve been up since 5:30 a.m. I’m exhausted. I had a long day at work, came home and had a lot of work to do around the house. Now it’s getting late and I need to get this done. Why?
I am in a frustrated and angry mood. Just tired, exhausted, and not at all pleased. Not the greatest of moods to work on a short story. I wrote down a bit yesterday and even jotted some ideas down. But that’s about as much as I could handle. I had no more time available to me.
I’ll leave it at that.
I did see an interesting movie the other night. My wife and I rented “The Piano Teacher” and I must admit that I haven’t been so affected by a movie in a long, long time. I keep thinking back to scenes in the film, wondering why certain events happened, but, as in life, there are no answers. None at all. You’re left wondering, doubtful, and disturbed. However, if you’re at all disturbed by dark films that portray the shadowy side of human sexuality, then I would advise that you skip this film. I remember seeing the posters when the film came out in 2001, but I never had a chance to go and see it. Instead I forgot about it until I recently heard the “top 5 foreign language film” list on the Cinecast podcast. I remembered that I had wanted to see the film and then added it to my queue.
I also started watching “The Fast Runner” that I thought might be useful as a research piece for my latest story. I’m about 30 minutes into the film and had to stop because I wasn’t feeling well last night (I’ve been fighting off a cold). The movie is close to nearly 3 hours long. I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to finish watching it. I have a bunch of work that I need to do and watching another 2 hours of the film might not be in the cards for me.
Lots of other stuff going on in my life, but I simply want to focus on my frustration. I must admit that I’m at the nadir of my creative cycle. I’m swamped with work and house work. The little time I do have available just isn’t enough for me to want to drop everything to do some writing. I know that sounds horrible, but I want to be truthful. In my writing life, I’ve had to choose other responsibilities over writing. But this time, I’m taking the time to still write in this blog. This is the life of a full-time worker who also likes to write. You’re continually bombarded by so many other issues that it’s not a clear cut sense of: “Hey, let me stop and do some writing.” When I’m so busy like this, I don’t want to stop and do writing. I just don’t feel into it and I want to rebel.
What I struggle with, is juggling and then coming back to work on a piece. Hopefully, I’ll be able to make time this Saturday. I’m not happy with all the different issues swirling around right now, but I can only see that I need to simply keep my chin up and keep working. It’s not fun, but I find that if I express my frustration than I can help deal with overcoming the issues. I’ve never been one for keeping quiet. Well, at least I started opening my mouth back when I was a teenager. I realized that keeping everything all bottled up inside wasn’t really working for me so I started to talk.
It’s funny because when I was younger I would just sit and watch, but be seething inside. I would watch and watch the world around me, and take everything in. I wouldn’t say much, but I’d use my imagination to get me past a rough point. I’d think of whom I was and what I wanted, and I would get through my rough time. I found my ways to help myself. It was all I had. A large part of my therapeutic healing process centered around music. I loved listening to music. I loved singing along to the music. It didn’t matter that I couldn’t sing (and still can’t carry a tune), but I would voice my frustration anyway.
When I was kneeling on my bathroom floor on Saturday, scrubbing it, I heard a Paul McCartney song in the background—“Take It Away” from his Tug of War album. And the memories flowed back to me. I recall working at a local pizza place, handing out menus to a neighborhood about 5 miles from my home. The owner, myself, and three other kids canvassed the entire area, putting menus for the pizza joint in every door. I had my Walkman on, listening to the music, and I would just work, thinking about the future. I wondered where I would be in the future, wondering if I would be happier there than I was back then. Little did I know that I would have certain freedoms by the dozen, but severely lacking in time. And I remember that when I was young, having all summer to do whatever I wanted. I would read, read, and do more reading. I’d stay up late, working on my dungeons & dragons characters. Now I’m lucky if I can make it up to 12:30 a.m. since I get up so early. It’s just such a different life that I lead now than when I was younger. I longed for a companion, for understanding, and to belong. Now I long for time, quiet, and peace. It’s funny how life turns out. And it’s not that I’m disgusted with my life, just a bit overwhelmed by my present circumstances. There’s a lot going on that I’d rather not talk about online. It’s not the proper forum for it. Needless to say, just understand that I’m working as efficiently as I can and as hard as I can.
Yes, I’d like to do more writing, but there are higher priorities right now. C’est la vie. That’s just how it is. Peace.
I am in a frustrated and angry mood. Just tired, exhausted, and not at all pleased. Not the greatest of moods to work on a short story. I wrote down a bit yesterday and even jotted some ideas down. But that’s about as much as I could handle. I had no more time available to me.
I’ll leave it at that.
I did see an interesting movie the other night. My wife and I rented “The Piano Teacher” and I must admit that I haven’t been so affected by a movie in a long, long time. I keep thinking back to scenes in the film, wondering why certain events happened, but, as in life, there are no answers. None at all. You’re left wondering, doubtful, and disturbed. However, if you’re at all disturbed by dark films that portray the shadowy side of human sexuality, then I would advise that you skip this film. I remember seeing the posters when the film came out in 2001, but I never had a chance to go and see it. Instead I forgot about it until I recently heard the “top 5 foreign language film” list on the Cinecast podcast. I remembered that I had wanted to see the film and then added it to my queue.
I also started watching “The Fast Runner” that I thought might be useful as a research piece for my latest story. I’m about 30 minutes into the film and had to stop because I wasn’t feeling well last night (I’ve been fighting off a cold). The movie is close to nearly 3 hours long. I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to finish watching it. I have a bunch of work that I need to do and watching another 2 hours of the film might not be in the cards for me.
Lots of other stuff going on in my life, but I simply want to focus on my frustration. I must admit that I’m at the nadir of my creative cycle. I’m swamped with work and house work. The little time I do have available just isn’t enough for me to want to drop everything to do some writing. I know that sounds horrible, but I want to be truthful. In my writing life, I’ve had to choose other responsibilities over writing. But this time, I’m taking the time to still write in this blog. This is the life of a full-time worker who also likes to write. You’re continually bombarded by so many other issues that it’s not a clear cut sense of: “Hey, let me stop and do some writing.” When I’m so busy like this, I don’t want to stop and do writing. I just don’t feel into it and I want to rebel.
What I struggle with, is juggling and then coming back to work on a piece. Hopefully, I’ll be able to make time this Saturday. I’m not happy with all the different issues swirling around right now, but I can only see that I need to simply keep my chin up and keep working. It’s not fun, but I find that if I express my frustration than I can help deal with overcoming the issues. I’ve never been one for keeping quiet. Well, at least I started opening my mouth back when I was a teenager. I realized that keeping everything all bottled up inside wasn’t really working for me so I started to talk.
It’s funny because when I was younger I would just sit and watch, but be seething inside. I would watch and watch the world around me, and take everything in. I wouldn’t say much, but I’d use my imagination to get me past a rough point. I’d think of whom I was and what I wanted, and I would get through my rough time. I found my ways to help myself. It was all I had. A large part of my therapeutic healing process centered around music. I loved listening to music. I loved singing along to the music. It didn’t matter that I couldn’t sing (and still can’t carry a tune), but I would voice my frustration anyway.
When I was kneeling on my bathroom floor on Saturday, scrubbing it, I heard a Paul McCartney song in the background—“Take It Away” from his Tug of War album. And the memories flowed back to me. I recall working at a local pizza place, handing out menus to a neighborhood about 5 miles from my home. The owner, myself, and three other kids canvassed the entire area, putting menus for the pizza joint in every door. I had my Walkman on, listening to the music, and I would just work, thinking about the future. I wondered where I would be in the future, wondering if I would be happier there than I was back then. Little did I know that I would have certain freedoms by the dozen, but severely lacking in time. And I remember that when I was young, having all summer to do whatever I wanted. I would read, read, and do more reading. I’d stay up late, working on my dungeons & dragons characters. Now I’m lucky if I can make it up to 12:30 a.m. since I get up so early. It’s just such a different life that I lead now than when I was younger. I longed for a companion, for understanding, and to belong. Now I long for time, quiet, and peace. It’s funny how life turns out. And it’s not that I’m disgusted with my life, just a bit overwhelmed by my present circumstances. There’s a lot going on that I’d rather not talk about online. It’s not the proper forum for it. Needless to say, just understand that I’m working as efficiently as I can and as hard as I can.
Yes, I’d like to do more writing, but there are higher priorities right now. C’est la vie. That’s just how it is. Peace.
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