RonVitale

Guilty Pleasures

I arrived home from work tonight exhausted, but I rallied and pulled myself together to mow the lawn before the approaching rainstorm (which never came—damn, those weathermen!).  After that, I took my son upstairs and prepared him for his bath.  But before I plopped him into the tub, I partook of a guilty pleasure—I cranked up some tunes and started singing and dancing with him.  Dancing with my 22-month old son consists of my holding him in my arms and then jumping up and down.  He laughs like only a little kid can: Free, watery, and fine.

What song did we dance to?  Avril Lavigne’s  "My Happy Ending."   I’m not a big Avril Lavigne fan, but I love the chorus:

“You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending”

I needed to let my hair down and just release some stress.  Music helps heal my soul and I love to put on some tunes and to just belt out a song.  Can I hold a tune?  Nope.  Do I care?  No, not really.  I’m having fun.

My guilty pleasure has helped me through thick and thin.  But before I left for work today and I loaded Avril’s song onto my iPod, I partook of another guilty pleasure: Listening to podcasts.  I’m happy, extremely happy, that Apple has released  iTunes 4.9.  The newest update of iTunes allows you to search through a directory filled with over 3,000 podcasts.  You can listen to the podcast or subscribe and have iTunes automatically download the songs and put them on your iPod.  How cool is that?

What’s so important about this?  Podcasts are content.  Excellent content.  If you’re tired of what’s on the radio, tune into a podcast.  The great thing about podcasts is that there are some wonderful musicians who have their own podcast in order to promote their music.  One band who’s rather good in what they do are The Lascivious Biddies.   I had first heard about the Biddies on Adam Curry’s podcast  "The Daily Source Code.  He played the song  "Famous" by the Biddies.  I smiled and really dug the song. 

Why am I talking about podcasts and music and a group you’ve never heard of?  There’s a world of content out there that only a few million of us on the planet know about and it’s the wave of the future.  That’s sounds pretty pretentious of me to say, but podcasting is fantastic.  There’s great shows out there and the best thing about it (for now) is that it’s all free.

Download iTunes, search the podcasts, and listen.  Writers have podcasts, politicians, Disney, average people like  Dawn & Drew. Don’t take my word for it, check out some of these shows.  They’re well worth listening to.  And there’s a heck of a lot more out there than the few that I’ve mentioned.  There’s over 3,000 shows.  Find one, download it with iTunes, and listen to it.  You don’t have to be a technological mastermind. You only need a computer, the Internet, and some speakers.  Download a .mp3 of a podcast and just play it on your computer. You’ll be glad you did.

Sleep calls.  Ah, sleep….

Coming Back

I'm back.  Coming home from vacation is never easy.  When you pull up to the house, reality hits you in the face--there's the lawn to be done, weeding to do in the vegetable garden, piles of mail to go through, wash to clean and put away, e-mails to read and respond to, and a host of other responsibilities.

But if we could learn one thing from our vacation and keep it with us, what would it be?  I believe that it is important to remember where our ground is in our lives.  I'm not just talking about work, but about our foundation.  Whatever makes us tick and thrive inside and inspires us to be alive--that's what we need to remember.  Maybe it's having a martini with your wife and talking about the future and smiling at her.  Maybe it's riding as fast as you can on a bike and hearing your son laughing as the wind rushes in his face.  Or possibly it's bracing yourself for the cold ocean wave to crash over you on a hot, humid day at the beach.

Our core needs to be fed.  We need inspiration, relaxation, energy, and resurgence.  We are not machines.  I learned that my attempts to burn the candle at both ends have left me unsatisfied, frustrated, and longing.  I long for time.  My teenage days are long gone, but I still remember those days reading in the summertime.  Being off from school and only needing to work about 30 hours a week.  How wonderful it was to have the days to myself and then to work at night and on the weekends.  I can't recapture those days, but I can change my priorities.  I can remember what's important in my life and remain focused.

We are writers, but we are fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, or spouses first.  Neglecting ourselves or our families will not make us better writers.  No. Such sacrifices will make us shallow, burned out husks of ourselves.

I've learned that it's important to pace myself.  To not try to conquer Rome all in one day.  That the turtle can beat the rabbit in the race.  The rabbit burns his energy out too fast, but the turtle can pull off a victory.  In a world in which we handle more than we should, we need to make hard choices.  We need to continue at our work, but also know when to put the pen down.  We need to remember to have fun.

I have forgotten how to do that.  How to laugh and enjoy myself and how it's going to be a battle to find the happy balance between work, writing, and family life. 

Do you know what I mean in all of this?  It's not going to be easy, but there's much that I could cut from my life.  Many might ask: "Why do this blog?"  That's a good question.  A very good question.  When I was younger, I used to write in my journal everyday.  I started on my Commodore 64 computer, then went to my Amiga, and then to my first PC.  But as I grew older, I stopped writing in my journal because I didn't think I had time.  Little did I know that the journal writing helps me settle and resolve issues and come into contact with what I'm really thinking and what my fears are.

I'm afraid of failing and of just giving up.  I'm afraid that I will become complacent and become a couch potato and then will fade off into silence and forget what I wanted to do.  So now I write.  I want my blog to be a testament to how difficult it is to work, write, and raise a family.  I'm not looking for a badge of honor.  I'm not even looking for your feedback most of the time.  But I am looking to share my story with you.  For in sharing it with myself, I'll pass a bit on to you.  And if you can relate, even if just to a tiny bit to my stories, then I know that I'm succeeding in what I started out to do.  To tell a story.  My story.

Five Years

Yesterday was our five year wedding anniversary.  For all of you who are married (or even thinking about marriage one day), this blog is for you.  My sincerest and deepest love and thank you I send to Karen.  What I have learned in the past five years is that without a supportive partner who is my best friend, I would not be where I am today.  Marriage is many, many things and as I am a novice in this area, I will simply say that I know this: I don’t know much and have so much yet to learn.

Being in a committed relationship is not all fun and joy.  There are times when you argue, are angry, confused, and tired.  But when you can talk with your partner about your triumphs, successes, or even failures—how wonderful!

Let’s flashback.  Ten years ago, when I first met my wife, I was finishing up my M.A. in English and had such hopes for my writing.  I not only wanted to be a novelist, but I wanted to have everyone see what a great writer I was.  The struggle still goes onward and I have seen very little success, but I keep trying. I remember early on in our relationship in which I’d talk about “what I want to do with my life” and how I railed about my current job right out of graduate school.  I went off about how frustrated I was and how I wanted to do more with my life.  I wanted to step sideways and not walk the rat race path like everyone else.  Little did I know how difficult it would be to work, write (and be rejected), and help raise a child.

Break Your Own Rules

Stuck in a rut with your writing?  We’ve all been there.  Being caught in the grind is nothing to be ashamed of.  Instead of becoming frustrated, why not try this trick to help motivate you?  It’s rather simple: Try something different.  That isn’t too hard to do.  Many of us are so used to our daily routine that we miss out on opportunities for growth.  Here are some specific tips to get you off the sofa and out there in the wild.

The first suggestion is rather easy: 

Turn that television off.  Yes, the almighty TV has lots of great shows but do you really need to see the next season of American Idol?  What would you really be missing?  If you factor in how much television you watch each week and gain back those hours, you’ll be amazed.  Now that you just freed up several hours a day, what to do?

Do something totally different.  Take a look at the picture of me playing Dance Dance Revolution Max 2.  I stink at the game.  But the point of this exercise is to shake up your life and break down your normal barriers and have fun.  Sure, I’ll never be in a DDR tournament and   move like this guy, but I did have lots of fun (learning to coordinate the jumps is a lot harder than I thought). Depending on your risk level and the amount of time and money you have, you can break your own inner rules and live a little.  If you’re normally quiet and introspective, go to a concert, a writers group, skydiving, or to a rodeo.  Look at your life and become aware of the patterns, then shake them up.  Breaking out of the normal path might not be as easy as it seems.  If you have children and cannot just change your routine so easily (babysitters can be expensive), share a moment with your child.  Go apple picking or visit a strawberry farm.  Take your family on a camping trip (call AAA or visit   the AAA website and see what offers are available).  Camping can be an inexpensive get-away and your children will be experiencing something new and exciting (as will you).  With the amount of money you spend on a Disney vacation, you could spend much less on a camping trip and have an all around better time. Imagine sitting around the campfire toasting marshmallows sharing stories or cuddling close together in the tent playing with a flashlight before bed. You and your kids will have a blast!

In the summer months, there are many wonderful activities that you can get out and do.  Yesterday I took my 22-month old son biking for the first time.  What I learned was that he really hated wearing the helmet.  We were biking along fine and I heard him say, “No thank you!”  Somehow he kept finding a way to get the helmet off.  The actual biking he loved but he hated wearing the “hat” (as he put it). 

Spending time with your children on your vacation allows you to actually bond with them and show them that you do care. Instead of mommy or daddy being away at work or stuck in writing on a computer all the time, you’re actually there with them.  And the experiences you form will be getting your creative juices flowing on a subconscious level.  Maybe you’ll never write a story about biking, but maybe someone you meet or an event you see while outside will wind up in your story.  At one point on yesterday’s ride, a storm blew in and I could see the dark clouds gathering.  I was on a bike about 2 miles from the rental store and had to get back in time before the storm broke.  Who knows, maybe I’ll use that experience in a future story of mine?

Many years ago I went camping for the first time around the age of 19.  Having grown up as a city boy, I took my experience and wrote it into my story  "Ghost Trails." If you’re being cynical and are thinking, “I don’t have a family and I hate outdoor activities,” well, let’s brainstorm and think of some other things you can do.  Depending on your interest level, you can take a class at your local college on painting or carpentry or on how to fix a car.  Visit your local college and ask them what classes they have to offer.  You might be surprised.  Still stumped for an idea?  You can visit the zoo, go to a baseball game, do some gardening, practice watching the stars with a telescope, or even volunteer.

When I was younger (and had lots of time on my hands), I volunteered to help teach someone to read and write.  Talk about a wonderful experience.  I learned a lot on how an adult can get by in today’s world without knowing how to read and my student learned how to take basic reading skills to help him in his daily life.

Also in the world of volunteering is traveling to Africa to help teach English to children over there. A friend of mine went to volunteer in Uganda for a month and we can all learn from her experiences. Be sure to check out   her journals of the experience.  There’s some rather interesting reading there.

The point of “breaking your own rules” is simply to get you to think of yourself in a different way.  You can change, grow, and learn.  We’re not locked into set roles and responsibilities (though people who know us might think we’re limited that way).  Shut the television off and get out there and do something.  The activity could be for yourself, with your family, or with friends—it doesn’t matter.  What does matter is that you just try something different.  You’ll have plenty of time later to write about your experiences.  If you decide you want to capture your ideas and share them with others, a blog is the easiest way to go.  For more information on how to get your own blog up and running, be sure to read my article   "Start Your Own Blog in Two Easy Steps" (Adobe Acrobat Reader reqired.)

No matter what you decide to do (how simple or complicated it is), try to relax and have fun.  Treat yourself to some down time and you’ll bounce back with a boatload of ideas.  Good luck!